…teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me…

Tonight is the last night of revival, well officially.  I personally feel that revival doesn’t end when the evangelist leaves.  If it’s a true revival then it continues on in the hearts and spirits of the people long after the official dates have ended! 

I know that this week has opened my eyes to some things.  I know that in the past I was content on being “near” to the Father.  I’ve learned this week that being “near” is not enough!  We should strive to be “next” to our Father!  When you are “near” someone you are close enough to see them, but not always feel them.  When you are “next” to someone you can feel them, touch them, and even hear their heartbeat if you get close enough.  That is where I am desiring to be.  NEXT to my heavenly Father.  I want to be so close I can hear His heartbeat as I lay upon His chest.  In the Bible when Jesus called the little children up to Him, He didn’t just sit them on the ground near Him, but He lifted them up onto His lap and held them close to His heart.  The Bible says that we must come to Him as a child!  We must allow Him to pull us up onto His lap to be “next” to Him!!!  Thanks to Bro. Mike Willingham’s message on this during our revival.  His illustrative and explanatory preaching was wonderful in conveying this to me! 

Since my illness worsened back in the spring and early summer months, I have learned valuable lessons.  God has constantly and daily been teaching me that without Him I am truly powerless.  My body has failed me numerous times during the last several months, but my God never has.  In fact He has proven to me more and more that He never will!  I have been thinking and wondering why on Sunday night I could feel God changing my leg and my voice, but with my heart and other problems, I felt the same.  I could feel an actual change taking place in my leg. I could feel it growing stronger and as joy rose within me and laughter bubbled out I could feel that my voice was also different somehow!  Yet, my autonomic problems still felt the same.  So I’ve had several days to ponder this, to pray on this, to converse with God on this.  And in my spirit, in my heart, I feel God speaking to me… “There is more I must teach you.”  I know I’ve learned a huge lesson during the time I was immobile due to my leg, and I was incapable of voicing anything due to my speech.  I learned to finally turn to scripture for my comfort and answers.  In all of my life, during every trial I’ve faced, I have had one constant thing.  I’ve turned to man first.  I turn to friends, family, anyone who might say something, anything, to help my situation.  During this time I had no voice to turn to anyone.  All I had was my computer and online bible that I used to search the scriptures.  I did that.  Each day I would need someone to help me, I closed my eyes and asked, “Lord, show me what I need.”  I would then type in the search box the word I felt God was speaking to me, press enter, and up would pop a list of scriptures.  I would then read each one, and there would always be the one when God would say “stop.  Re-read.”  It would be the exact word I would need to make it another day or to answer a question I might have had.  For the first time, I’d been forced to learn to turn entirely and only to God for my help.  This has opened up a whole new world for me!  I’m able to speak clearly and plainly now, but I still first turn to scriptures and to talking with God before and if I even talk to another human!  I can tell you that God’s answers have been 100% better than any answer man has ever offered! 

So I’ve questioned God, why not the dysautonomia?  Why is this still an issue?  And I still feel Him speaking to me.   “There is more I must teach you.”  I have several thoughts and feelings on this.  Maybe I’m one of those people who need daily reminders on where to look for my strength… well the correct place to turn to anyway.  Or maybe I’m still learning to lean upon God fully and wholly.  Or maybe there is a whole other world of things God has in store to teach me thru this disease!  All I know is that each and every day I awake and I’m able to get a shower, dress, and get going with ease… it’s not my body that’s doing it… It’s my God!  My body should not be able to stand on a church stage and sing for hours with all that is within me!  But I can!  My Body should not be able to withstand a full day of getting dressed, worship practice, helping in worship, helping in altar service, but I can!!!   And I know that each time I have these days, each time I wake up and jump out of bed and get going like a normal person, it is not my body that is doing it because dysautonomia does not allow for normality!  Dysautonomia does not allow me to jump straight out of bed, stand in a shower and a hot shower at that, get dressed, do things around the house, go to worship practice, attend a full service while singing with all that is within me, and still get home and get my kids dressed and ready for bed.  No dysautonomia does not allow this.  So each day I do these things, I’m reminded over and over how GREAT my God is!!! I’m reminded that without God, this would not be possible!  So maybe this dysautonomia is here just for a while longer, maybe it’s here to stay.  Whatever God chooses, I’m perfectly fine with!  For I know that as long as I keep clinging to the things God is teaching me throughout all of this, then He will keep supplying my needs and the strength that my body does not supply!  So hen God says, “There is more I must teach you.” I believe that He will do just that.  I’m ready to learn!!! 

So when you face a battle in life, don’t ask, “Why me?  Why is this happening to me? or say Why do I never get a break?”  This is what I thought at first.  I was so upset because I felt that my life as I knew it was over! And thankfully it was!  Because my contentment to be near my Savior had begun to change and I hadn’t even begun to realize it yet!  So next time when you face a battle, ask God, “What do you want to teach me?”  Because I’ve learned in all battles there is a lesson to be learned!  Don’t miss out on being taught by the most loving and wonderful teacher you can ever know!

So my prayer will continue to be this…  “Shew my thy ways, O LORD; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me:  for thou (art) the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.  Psalm 25:4-5

**NOTE: I think I may not have gotten the near and next thing exactly right. It may have been near and close, but I hope you get the idea! :)

Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.

Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment.   Matthew 9:22 NIV

This scripture holds significant importance to me now.  As you all know from reading my blog, I have a disease called dysautonomia.  This combined with a silent migraine caused stroke symptoms just over 7 weeks ago.  I was not able to speak at first and my left leg did not work at all.  I slowly made progress and the neurologist said that I should make a full recovery, in time.  So 7 weeks in, and I’m finally singing again having regained my speech.  Seven weeks in, though, I am still using a cane to walk, and I had a horrible limp.  But to me this was progress!!! I was excited! I was thrilled to be mobile again! I was ecstatic that I was singing again and speaking plainly and normal!  Life, to me, was great!  I was learning to live with my situation.  I was learning to take life by the reigns, so to speak, and enjoy the ride no matter how bumpy it was!  I was living the life I’d been given, to the fullest extent of my abilities, and thanking God for His blessings upon me so far.

All of this changed for me just 3 short days ago.  It was Sunday morning, October 18, 2009.  I woke up and dressed for church just like I had every Sunday for the last 8 Sundays since my medical issues had arisen.  As I left the house I grabbed my purse, my 3 bottles of water, and my walking cane.  I arrived at church with great anticipation of the mornings service! We were beginning our revival!  The first one in quite a while, and I was also going to be able to sing in the worship service!  It would be the first Sunday I would sing with 100% clarity in my voice!  So I was excited!  Sunday morning’s service was amazing! God did great and wonderful things!  His spirit moved mightily and I left church that morning desiring for the afternoon’s service to arrive quickly!  I just couldn’t wait for worship practice and service to begin!

Four o’clock arrived and worship practice began.  We prepared our songs and prayed for the service.  I refilled my water bottles again, gotta stay hydrated and keep that blood pressure up!  And then the night’s service began.  The second service of our revival!  I was excited!  Worship service was awesome, and then Bro. Willingham preached a great message!  And then Darryl, our worship leader, headed to the keyboard to prep for altar service.  The rest of the musicians followed and I grabbed my cane and kept my husband near me because at this point in the service, I wasn’t feeling great.  My leg had grown weak, my heart rate was still up from singing during the worship service and I just plain felt bad.  But I didn’t let not being able to walk keep me from being in church, and I wouldn’t let this keep me from singing!  I made it to the stage, sat on my stool, got my microphone and water bottle and we began singing.  Altar service once again was amazing!  God was doing a great work among His children, and the place was “a rockin'” *smile* to put it mildly!  We were singing Look what the Lord has done, and Bro. Willingham came up and laid hands on me and prayed for me.  Before I knew it I was standing arms stretched toward heaven praising my God!  You know they say you give to God and He will respond, and respond He did!  God’s spirit slayed me out, and I could feel a change!  I felt a joy wash over me!  When I got up I began walking!  Walking and praising my King!  Now for those of you who weren’t there, my cane was still where I placed it once I sat down on my stool to sing!  I was walking!!!  I was walking without a cane! I was walking without a limp! I was walking without someone’s arm to lean on!  God had healed my leg!!!  I worshipped and walked in praise to God until the service ended!  I gave my testimony and it was simple but to the point.  I simply said, “I’m here and that’s (my cane) there! and I pointed to the stage. 

After service my Big Daddy (Eric's grandfather but I claim him as I truly feel that he’s as close to a grandfather as I’ve ever had) told Dianne (Eric's aunt) to “Go get that walker, she won’t be needing it anymore.”  So I walked into church that night with a horrible limp, using a cane.  But God’s healing graces reached my leg, and I walked out on my own with a strength in my leg I’d not felt in 7 weeks!  I don’t know about my dysautonomia.  I know that God can heal it, maybe it’s just not the right time for that yet or maybe I’m meant to live with it to keep me close to what’s important, my faith in God.  Who knows.  But I know one thing.  My God is a God of healing!  My faith in him is stronger than it ever was, and whatever the outcome with my dysautonomia, I’ll always remember the feeling I had in my body as God was healing my leg!  I will always remember how I felt as I stood and walked!  I posted on my face book status the next day of how God had healed me and how I walked in with a cane, and how I’d walked out without it!  And the old song, I’m walking on sunshine, oh oh… and don’t it feel good! popped into my head, and it hit me.  I was walking on SONshine!!!  So I can sing I’m walking on SONshine, oh oh, and don’t it feel good!!! :) 

So like the woman in the Bible that Jesus turned to and healed.  I have had faith in my Savior, and this faith has made me whole!  And my leg was healed from that moment!!!

Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." And the woman was healed from that moment. Matthew 9:22 NIV