Thursday, December 17, 2009

Christmas with the Crosby’s

Today is the first night I’ve been awake in several nights! For this I’m thankful! For all of my friends and family who have been praying for sleep, let me tell you, I’ve been sleeping!  I have slept more in the last 4 days than I have in months! My only description for it would be “wonderful!”  I do believe that all of my most recent problems have merely stemmed from fatigue from the insomnia. I know that the insomnia is caused from the disease, but by itself it’s enough to put oneself through the wringer! I’ve done alot of researching concerning my blackouts and going unconcious, all of which have stopped since I’m sleeping and feeling rested.  I’ve learned that there are a couple of things that could be causing this, one related to my dysautonomia triggered by fatigue and one related to my migraines also triggered by fatigue. I believe the migraines are the culprit considering the headaches involved. But Praise God! I have slept for the last 4 days. Not only at night for the most part but I nap and nap deeply several times during the day. I look like one of the elderly in my recliner. I have my lap blanket, my shoulder blanket and I’m all snuggled up snoozing away! Tonight is the first night I’ve struggled with being awake, but I’ll get some sleep before Eric leaves for work in the morning hopefully in the morning.

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. I’ve had the medical issues with the blackouts of course. I stayed with my mother-in-law from Sunday night until Friday night. The first black out she personally witnessed she was admittedly scared. The last one, my daughter woke her in the middle of the night and I was told later that she just let me lay there and told my daughter that “It’s ok, mommy will wake up eventually” and they just sat there waiting. So after a week, she had grown accustomed and tired. On Friday evening they packed me up and shakily I made it to Tannehill Park to the cabin my parents had rented for the weekend. By the time I arrived I was nauseated, gagging, and weak and then my dad, in the camping spirit, lit a fire in the fireplace and almost suffocated me! *Smile* We got the doors open and eventually the coughing and stomach spasms stopped and I got cool enough to sit with the family and we at Bob Sykes for supper. It was a good meal but I mostly enjoyed the company!
The next morning, I decided it easier to get my dad to carry me home to shower rather than having Eric find all my thing and lugging my shower chair to the cabin for one night, so I went home and got dressed and we headed back to the cabin. By now my dad had lunch fixed. Bless his heart he had grilled burgers in sleeting rain! But they were good! During the meal I began to feel the room spin and it never stopped. Unfortunately when you “gotta go” you “gotta go” so Eric helped me to the bathroom. I had almost made it halfway back to the living room when my strength was gone and I hit the floor like a ton of bricks. Eric is great at helping. I came too with a pillow under my head and a blanket covering me. They got me to the couch where I slept for about 4 hours. This was the last time I believe I’ve blacked out lately.  

That evening dad and the kids made a campfire and we roasted marshmallows! I haven’t done this in years, so I made them get me out there, but eventually told them I had to make like a geriatric and admit I was done in. The kids enjoyed themselves despite the cold. The kids opened a few gifts, and played a bit and we pretty much called it a night. We had our Christmas play at church the next morning, and Eric and Serena were in it and I was supposed to sing if able. So an early morning was ahead of us.
Mom, Dad, and my nieces and nephews made it to the mornings play. We spoke to some church familly after service, made our picture, and then went to Cracker Barrell as we always do when my parents visit. I hated saying goodbye yet again, but I always enjoy spending time with my family! I’m looking forward to being able to travel again and having an old kind of Christmas again, where we all sit around mom and dad’s living room and mom and dad sit all close together and the kids are all in the floor and their is wrapping paper everywhere! It’s been way too long, but in the mean time I’ll settle for these cabin get aways, because after all, it’s about loving my family and being together no matter where you must be! Merry Christmas to my family down in Georgia! I love you all and to those I didn’t get to spend Christmas with, I miss you and I hope you Christmas is one to remember as mine was!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Frustrated with my Computer Blog Uploader

I had this really great blog, or so I thought, all typed up, tags in place and about to put in the title and press upload, and then it happened.  Whatever "it" is I still don't know, all I know is I lost my blog. I do know that there were 7 paragraphs and 1700+ words in that blog, and I'd spell checked it and everything and in my opinion it was a great one.  In reality my computer might have done myself and my readers a favor as this blog could have just been a jumbled mess of confusion due to the weeks of insomnia and the numerous pills I am taking to sleep (prescribed) but all I get is a hungover feeling the next day.  So maybe you will be getting this blog instead of a wonderful one, or maybe you will be getting a better one.  And the way I'm feeling this blog, if it's better, then the one I lost was a really crummy one.  
So I spoke with my Dys. Spec. office nurse today.  I'm being taken off one of my medications and they are adding more of one of the others. I may have to have a sleep study done quicker than they first suggested, and I may need to see the neurologist again as it was suggested to me that these episodes of blacking out and unconcousness with the confusion may be linked to my migraines, especially since I have excruciating headaches afterwards. I do know that I'm really tired of falling and passing out and blacking out and forgetting what happened over and over.  Last night I thought I could go to the bathroom alone. After all, everyone but me was asleep, so why wake them right? WRONG!!! Well I made it to the bathroom. Was only just a little shaky. It was the trip back that was the problem.  Halfway back to the sofa belonging to my mother in law,  where I've been since Sunday night since I blacked out several times and couldn't make it home, I felt things quickly going hazy. Next thing I know my head is cradled in Eric's lap and he's calling my name.  I'd managed to do it again. This time I'd hurt my chin/jaw (face planted on an upside down plastic tote the kids had been playing with), rammed my left knee and shoulder into the floor leaving a carpet burn on my knee thru my pants.  So that was yesterday and todays early morning hours, and I had this great blog written detailing my call into my Dr. and all that good stuff, but now you just get this simple blog.  Long story short, I'm tired, still not sleeping but meds have been changed around some so maybe that will offer some sleep.  I may need to have a sleep study done before insurance kicks in as well as see the neurologist, but once again I'm just going to trust that God is going to make a way. Whether that be allowing me some refuge from my symptoms until I can have the testing or make it so that all my disability claims are accepted. Whatever it is, I know that God's will is the perfect one.  I know there is a time and season for every thing because God's word tells me.

A Time for Everything (Ecclesiastes chapter 3)
1There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I marked some in bold because for me they stand out. Healing, mending that which is torn, peace for that which is war ridden.  My body needs healing, it needs mending in the torn and broken places, and I need peace in my body, mind, and spirit because this disease causes a war and battle to rage day in and day out within and without. It affects not only my body and myself, but my family.  My husband and children are suffering from watching this disease ravage itself upon me. But I know, because God's word tells me, that for everything there is a season.  And I know from watching the world that God created, that seasons come and seasons go. And I just have to wait upon the Lord.

Isaiah 40:31  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

I'm just waiting for the day when I can walk and not faint, when I can run and do every day things and my body doesn't grow weary.  
So again, I'm clinging to God's scriptures, to his promises.  He gave them to us, so we might as well use them!!!