Tuesday, September 29, 2009

... traveling thoughts are bound to happen!

It's 12:22 am. I'm laying in bed wondering what my day is going to be like.  See, I have an appointment at 8:30.  I am supposed to be waking up in 5 1/2 hours and getting dressed for my very first visit with a Dysautonomia Specialist.  I've typed up a quick history timeline to refer to if I'm asked a question and the brain fog is bad.  I've also typed up some questions I have.  I have answered all 163 questions they asked me and bubbled in each answer with a #2 pencil on a scan-tron test sheet.  It has been a very long time since I have had to use a test sheet like that!  I'm trying to mentally prepare for this.  I was told that my first visit would last from 3-4 hours.  The only test I've been told about is a treadmill stress test.  I'm not sure how this is going to work out, as I've been using a walker for 4 1/2 weeks now.  My leg is alot stronger, so maybe if it's one of those treadmills that has the bars I can use to balance and use for support then maybe I can at least manage to walk enough for the test.

 In case anyone is interested, here is a picture of the walker I'm using. It's not a bad looking walker...lol  In fact if you have a small child, the seat is perfect for pushing them around if you have to get something done and you are not able to carry the child! :) This picture is exactly like the one I'm using.  It was my Big Mamma's walker.  I don't think she really used it, and she never really liked it because it rolls away from you if you aren't good with the brakes.

Anyway, I really wish I knew what tests I am having this morning, and what my doctor will be like.  I know that my Dr. is a lady, or at least I presume female due to the name.  You know I never thought that I would be 28 years old and using a walker, using a shower chair, and unable to carry out most normal every day activities.  But here I am with all of the above and then some.  It just goes to show, that the saying, "You never know what tomorrow holds." is true!  I always thought that if I ever had children I would teach them all about the outdoor things, like fishing, shooting their first gun, basketball, softball, etc. Right now I would just love a day that I could simply take a walk with them!

Maybe one day, there will be more awareness for Dysautonomia, and those of us with this will one day have a way of being able to get back to normal.  A cure would be great too!  Until then, I'll keep on loving my children the only way I can right now.... just being here with them.  Spending one on one time with them.  Having cuddle time and laugh and tickle while laying on the bed.  After all, someone recently told me, "It's not where you go or what you do with your kids, it's how you show them you love them while doing the things you can do."  I may not be able to go on that fishing walk thru the trails at Tannehill right now.  I may not be able to run and throw a frisbee or play out in the yard.  I may not be able to do alot of the things that other moms take for granted, but there are always ways to spend time with my kids!  I'm learning they are more resilient than I am!!!  I may get upset because I can't do things, but they just stop and think of something we CAN do!!!

So I am going to go to this Dr. today, and for the first time in my life I am going to make sure I get all the information I can from this dr.  I am not going to be intimidated out of asking questions.  I am not going to let a treadmill test scare me, nor any other test.  I am going to go into this determined to get answers and help.  After all, I have to children at home, and they will be waiting on me.  My oldest is still waiting for the 2 of us to hit the trails at Tannehill together.  So I am going to turn my fear, nervousness, and all these anxious thoughts into determination.  Determination to soon be back on my feet again and living this life with my 2 beautiful girls doing the things I have dreamed of doing with them.

As I write this last paragraph I am more aware that this blog has rambled and jumped topics, but hey... I've got dysautonomia... it comes with the territory!!!  I'm tired, anxious, scared, and nervous... traveling thoughts are bound to happen!  Tomorrow will be better, and I will have all my updated information posted as soon as I get home and get the chance. Until then... always remember... ... traveling thoughts are bound to happen!  *smile*

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